Pies aren't square!

Jarom and Alixa are pretty big losers, which means that they often spend their free time (defined by Verizon as “nights and weekends”) hanging out with just themselves. This week they chose to try a new local restaurant, The Smoky Mountain Brewery. Alixa had heard some good things about their pizza, and she liked saying the name the way someone from England would (“I can’t wait to eat at the brury, Mr. Darcy”). After perusing the menu, Lix decided to get a veggie pizza and Jarom chose a burger. Since Lix was eating the pizza by herself she wanted to get the 12-inch size, but Jarom told her to get the 16-incher so that he could enjoy the leftovers later. After the waiter left, Jarom decided that it would be a good time for a "teaching moment", which should be a familiar scenario for any of you who have played games with Jarom.



As many of you know, Jarom is a strange duck. He likes to know the why behind everything, and often shares these thoughts with his wonderful wife. Alixa makes fun of him for this personality trait, but she can tell you why bridges ice before highways and why triangles are used in the construction of bridges and towers. Today’s lesson involved the price per square inch of pizza at the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Jarom asked Alixa how much pizza she got with the smaller size. He received a semi-blank stare, and the answer “Uh, 12 inches?” He then asked her if she knew how to figure out the area of a circle. She threw out a guess of 3.14 x π. It is tough to say which was greater at this moment – Jarom’s embarrassment that his wife could not perform such a rudimentary geometric calculation, or Alixa’s embarrassment that she had married such an incredible nerd. Since only one of those two things could be remedied, Jarom proceeded to explain to her that the small size provided 36π square inches of pizza (from the formula area=π x radius squared) for $15, or about $.14 per square inch, while the larger size was 64π inches squared for $18, or $.09 each. Regardless of the price, the pizza was great, and everyone learned something in the process.



Since this has been a slow news week for the Winns, I would like to take the opportunity to address a subject that has been drawing some attention during the past 5 months. That topic is the practicality and safety of keeping a meat-eating constrictor in the same abode as a helpless newborn. I first want to express my appreciation for the concern that has been shared with the Winns about this situation. I understand that you are simply looking out for the best interests of this family, and I respect your opinions. Secondly, I want to express my outrage and insult that any of you would want to give me the boot. However, back to the first point: there is nothing to worry about. The general population’s opinion about snakes has been formed over the years by the popular media, which almost never paints us in a positive light. This is true of literature, but is even worse with movies. Anaconda, Snakes on a Plane, and Boa vs. Python have all fed the general hysteria that you are likely to be eaten by my buddies or me. Recent incidents involving my huge cousins and the idiots who try to keep them as pets have not helped. But I want to assure all concerned parties that in recorded human history there have never been any ball python-caused fatalities. Comparing me to those other snakes is akin to getting rid of the family cat because of tiger maulings. Those who have met me can testify that I am a threat to nobody, and to those that have not; I invite you to meet me in order to assuage your fears.

I Choo-Choo-Choose You

It is All-Star Weekend in the NBA, which means more traveling than an Obama campaign, less defense than a baby-hungry wife, and some fantabulous dunking. The dunk contest went through a tough run after the turn of the century, but the last two years have been wonderfully entertaining. This year gave us a David vs. Goliath theme, only Goliath dressed up as Superman and David dressed like a little chunk of Kryptonite. The diminutive (5’9”) Nate Robinson won by leaping over the gargantuan (6’11”) Dwight Howard to slam home a green basketball. I would have voted for Howard if Jarom would finally spring for some friggin’ text messaging, but I could not be upset with the winner. The athleticism was unreal, the showmanship was top-notch, and hopefully LeBron will jump in there next year.

Why is Howard protecting his crotch?  Shouldn't Robinson be doing that?

Valentine’s Day also came and went, ominously close to Friday the 13th. Jarom and Alixa went to a ward dinner/dance. It was about what you are imagining it was. The food was OK, and free, and they didn’t stick around too long after the electric slide started, so it was a pleasant experience. As a Vday present, Jarom took Alixa to Target to register for baby shenanigans. This excited Alixa a great deal. However, upon their arrival it became clear that she did not have the faintest idea about which stroller, crib, bottle, diaper, onesie, or breast pump to register for. They systematically called all the people that they know who have children in order to get advice and product recommendations. The next place to go is Babies R Us, which will probably happen this week. Jarom amuses himself by admiring the successful scams that are being run on so many parents (Alixa and Jarom included).

Alixa can't wait to start using this!

Jarom finished his first coed intramural season at UT with a 1-3 record, which means no playoffs. Tennessee, although being a full-fledged member of the Bible belt, does not possess nearly as much charity as BYU does. In Provo, everyone got to participate in postseason play regardless of how little they deserved it. But here in Knoxville playoffs are a privilege reserved only for those who win at least half of their games. He enjoyed himself more than he thought he would, though it was a little annoying to have a foul called any time a boy blocked a girl’s shot or stole the ball from her.

Jarom also started a new “job” this week. The pay scale is still a little bit hazy, but there is a possibility that it might be turn out to be decent paying. It should be a good learning opportunity, at any rate. He is basically going to be an office manager for a local tennis academy, taking care of the books and doing assorted projects that the owner wants to start but hasn’t for lack of free time. He is replacing a kid named Kyle, who is apparently a load of bricks short of a load. Most of the office stuff is simple, mindless work that just needs to get done, but all his boss could talk about was how often Kyle messed it all up. It is so nice to have such small shoes to fill. He should look pretty good in comparison.

Suprise Visitor

What a fabulous weekend here in Knoxville! A few weeks ago Alixa made plans with her dad for a weekend visit. Last weekend, we were told that the visit was not going to take place. But on Wednesday Alixa got a phone call from her daddy telling her that the trip was back on, and that he would be arriving Thursday night. East Tennessee had been cold and snowy early in the week, but being the good host that she is, she warmed up and gave us sunny weather Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Mars took full advantage of the balmy February temperatures and took Jarom and Alixa golfing twice over the weekend. It was a little wet, as the snow was still melting, but it was warm enough for shorts both days. Mars is still able to beat up on Jarom, which is probably good for both of them. Jarom did manage two birdies and a smattering of pars over the 36 holes, and Alixa even managed to play a hole, protruding belly and all. She shot even par, after nearly chipping in from about 45 yards.

This was the view on Monday.  On this day Alixa turned 24!

And Saturday.  As you can see, the ground was wet, but it was sunny and warm.  Jarom is trying to  see the flag from where his tee shot landed.  He is still very far away.

Other than golf, most of the visit was spent playing games. Mars is a bit of a Settlers of Catan junkie, and he got the Winns a new game, Ticket to Ride. Sadly, he had to go back to work early Monday morning, so I now have my room to myself again. But everyone loved having him here, especially Lixi, who is quite the daddy’s girl.

Mario had to use the bathroom at the ninth hole.  He had trouble escaping the woods after doing his business.

As promised, here is the side photo of Alixa so that everyone can see how the pregnancy is progressing. She is not particularly thrilled about it, and a little self-conscious about her size, but I keep trying to tell her that it is OK to gain weight during pregnancy. I suppose it is about the same way that I feel after I eat a mouser and I look like I might be having a baby.

No fat jokes, por favor.

Now that the little kid has a known gender, there has been quite an outpouring of love and presents. It used to be that Jarom simply had to compete with Alixa for space to put his clothes. Now he is losing his closet (which isn’t even in his room) to an unborn child who already has more clothes than she will be able to wear during her entire newborn stage of life.



Jarom got approved for life insurance this week, after some blood work to make sure that he doesn’t have AIDS or anything. He is now a liability when living, but worth $200,000 should he die. He is now trying to be extra nice to Alixa, lest she get any ideas. Also, the squirrel hasn't made any noise in a few days, so I am pretty sure that he died.