To the...

The Winns started their spring season off with a bang. They were lucky enough to spend a week with Jarom’s parents, brother, and another friend in a nice house on Kiawah Island, just outside of Charleston, South Carolina. The vacation started on Monday morning around 9:00 as they began the 7-hour drive down there. As any folks from the northeast know, there was quite the snowstorm on March 1, and they had to drive through the tail end of it as they crossed the Smoky Mountains through North Carolina. But as they passed the city of Bat Cave (yes, it’s real, and how cool would it be to grow up there?!) it began to warm up. By the time they made it to the Atlantic coast, temperatures were around 50, and would get up into the high 70’s as the week progressed.

Sunset from the dock

Kiawah Island is a beautiful and secluded island. It is full of big trees with Spanish moss hanging from the branches, wonderfully manicured golf courses, quaint little shops and waterways everywhere. They stayed in a lovely home with a pool that was supposed to be heated (it wasn’t), a private dock, and access to a plethora of bike trails. Jarom’s immediate goal upon arrival was to befriend an alligator, and it didn’t take him much time. Steve Irwin would seriously be in heaven there. There were gators of all sizes pretty much everywhere you looked, up to about 12 feet long. He got within a few feet of them several times, once nearly stepping on a 5 or 6 footer and scaring the bejeepers out of both himself and the animal. Alixa spent many a childhood summer on Hilton Head Island, which is just a few clicks south and strikingly similar, so she felt right at home and had a blast. It was quite nice to be in such a pleasant environment with some family that they don’t get to see as often as they would like.

What kind of mother would let her children play around next to that monster?

As you might expect, Jarom took advantage of the opportunity to play a few rounds of golf with his dad, brother, and Mike Slaugh. The weather was nice and the golf was free (at least free to Jarom—He says thanks, Bruce), so the fact that he won both games was simply a bonus. I think that this is the first time that Jarom has beaten his dad at golf, which brought back memories of when he first started to beat him at basketball…at about age 12. After that they didn’t play hoops together nearly as much. Hopefully this doesn’t have a similar effect on their golfing frequency.

It must be tough to be a Charleston police officer.

As Jason said, "You can't spell segway without a g-a-y."

Another friendly Kiawah native

On Saturday, the weather was the best it had been all week, so they rented some kayaks to go play in the river. They were two person boats, so in the afternoon Jarom went out with Annie and Juliet and they were lucky enough to see a little pod of dolphins, two adults and two little ones. The fish seemed mildly curious about the kayak, and would let them get within about 20 feet before vanishing beneath the surface and reappearing 100 feet away. Jarom would paddle over to them again, and the process was repeated 3 or 4 times until he started to get tired and turned back to shore. Juliet was thrilled to see the baleine (that’s French for whale. Her parents think it’s cool to have a bilingual 18 month old, but they can’t even teach her to correctly identify an Atlantic bottlenose dolphin by its dorsal fin? C’mon people.)

The deer have to sprint across the roads in SC

Seriously, amazing sunsets

Unfortunately, Alixa did not get to ride the kayaks because she got herself sick on Friday afternoon. It seems to have been a combination of some sun stroke (she doesn’t believe in proper hydration) and a flu-like bug. She was bed ridden for much of Saturday, but the fun didn’t really start until the ride back to Knoxville. On Sunday Jarom and Lix were driving about 50 miles past Charleston [Jesse, stop reading here] when she started to throw up in the middle of her coughing. At first she kept it on the blanket that she was covered with, but there was more coming up. Trying to keep it from becoming too messy, she rolled down the window to hurl outside. Unfortunately they were on the freeway doing about 70. If any of you have ever spit into the wind, you can visualize what happened next. As Jarom slows down and tries to get off the road without causing an accident, he can feel little bits of wetness hitting his arm. So of course the rest of the car interior is receiving the same treatment. After coming to a stop, the damage was pretty severe. Alixa was covered, there were bits all over the inside of the car, and the entire right side of the Camry was plastered. Jarom literally could not see out of the window. They stopped at a hotel and a gas station for a clothes change and some paper towels and cleaner, and then kept on truckin’ to get home as soon as possible. They arrived at 5:30 and went straight to a walk-in clinic, which was closed. So it was off to the ER, where they spent the next 6 hours. Lix got an IV, some meds for her nausea and fever, and negative tests for the flu and strep, which was good news. As a result her vacation got extended a little bit, getting a day off on Monday and only going in for a few hours on Tuesday. She seems to be coming out of it, which is good. Amazingly, Jarom has managed to avoid catching whatever it was, knock on wood. He has tried to be supportive and help her get better. He does say that the highway puke event was possibly the most disgusting thing he has ever experienced. Even so, they had a good vacation and are glad that Bruce and Nancy invited them down.

Alixa wanted to send a shout out to her buddy Mandy Jo with her pants. We miss you, Carters.

Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down!

A few days ago I celebrated Ash Wednesday, marking the start of Lent. This year I have decided to give up painting my forehead with charcoal so that I don't look like I just escaped from a burning building.

It's a good look for Senor Biden

Alixa attended her first book club meeting this week with a group of women from the ward. She felt a little awkward because she didn’t really know any of them, but she enjoyed herself. The book they read this month was The Hiding Place, which deals with some issues from WWII. It didn’t go entirely smoothly, however. At one point they were discussing how it can be a person’s “time” to die, and the recent plane crash in Buffalo was cited as an example. Lix decided to make a joke about Octomom and how she needed the space here on earth or something. She told the joke to me later, and I thought it was funny, but I guess it didn’t fit with the middle-aged woman crowd.

Alixa did get to select the book for next month, and she chose The Glass Castle. I read this book this week, and it is quite an interesting read. I don’t want to give too much away, because I think you should all read it, but I will say that I have never been more appalled by parents than I was when reading the book. It is an autobiography of sorts, and recounts experiences like the time the author set herself on fire at 3 years of age because she was doing the cooking by herself, the time her dad used her as a prostitute to try and make some money to buy beer, and the time all 4 children (ages 8, 6, 3, and a newborn) were tossed into the back of a UHaul and driven across the country. The writing is really well done, and it is interesting to see how a productive member of society can emerge from such a bizarre past.



Alixa had another doctor’s appointment this week to make sure that everything is developing normally. Both baby and mama seem to be physically healthy. Psychologically…well that is another matter entirely. This particular day was what Lix refers to as one of her “weepy days”. Part of this checkup involved stepping onto a scale. This is something that no woman enjoys, and can be particularly traumatic for a pregnant lady, or so I would imagine. Alixa was not happy with the amount of weight she had gained. I will not divulge what that gain was, lest this be the last post I ever write. Anyway, she began sobbing uncontrollably and did not stop for several hours. Jarom tried to console her, but let’s face it, that has never been his strong suit. She has since recovered, making everyone around here much more comfortable.

This was the actual weight on Jarom's new scale

In other weight related news, Jarom got a scale this week to monitor his increasing fatness. In an effort to make Alixa feel really terrible, I volunteered to be weighed, and came in at a hefty 3 pounds. That’s about 195 less than Jarom, who ran a 10k later that night because he felt so terrible about himself. On Monday the Winns leave for a week in Kiawah Island, South Carolina with the parents Winn, Jasonannie, and the Mike Slaugh family. There are plans to do some golfing, some kayaking, some nothing, and possibly some more nothing. It should be a great time. Enjoy the first week of March!

Pies aren't square!

Jarom and Alixa are pretty big losers, which means that they often spend their free time (defined by Verizon as “nights and weekends”) hanging out with just themselves. This week they chose to try a new local restaurant, The Smoky Mountain Brewery. Alixa had heard some good things about their pizza, and she liked saying the name the way someone from England would (“I can’t wait to eat at the brury, Mr. Darcy”). After perusing the menu, Lix decided to get a veggie pizza and Jarom chose a burger. Since Lix was eating the pizza by herself she wanted to get the 12-inch size, but Jarom told her to get the 16-incher so that he could enjoy the leftovers later. After the waiter left, Jarom decided that it would be a good time for a "teaching moment", which should be a familiar scenario for any of you who have played games with Jarom.



As many of you know, Jarom is a strange duck. He likes to know the why behind everything, and often shares these thoughts with his wonderful wife. Alixa makes fun of him for this personality trait, but she can tell you why bridges ice before highways and why triangles are used in the construction of bridges and towers. Today’s lesson involved the price per square inch of pizza at the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Jarom asked Alixa how much pizza she got with the smaller size. He received a semi-blank stare, and the answer “Uh, 12 inches?” He then asked her if she knew how to figure out the area of a circle. She threw out a guess of 3.14 x π. It is tough to say which was greater at this moment – Jarom’s embarrassment that his wife could not perform such a rudimentary geometric calculation, or Alixa’s embarrassment that she had married such an incredible nerd. Since only one of those two things could be remedied, Jarom proceeded to explain to her that the small size provided 36π square inches of pizza (from the formula area=π x radius squared) for $15, or about $.14 per square inch, while the larger size was 64π inches squared for $18, or $.09 each. Regardless of the price, the pizza was great, and everyone learned something in the process.



Since this has been a slow news week for the Winns, I would like to take the opportunity to address a subject that has been drawing some attention during the past 5 months. That topic is the practicality and safety of keeping a meat-eating constrictor in the same abode as a helpless newborn. I first want to express my appreciation for the concern that has been shared with the Winns about this situation. I understand that you are simply looking out for the best interests of this family, and I respect your opinions. Secondly, I want to express my outrage and insult that any of you would want to give me the boot. However, back to the first point: there is nothing to worry about. The general population’s opinion about snakes has been formed over the years by the popular media, which almost never paints us in a positive light. This is true of literature, but is even worse with movies. Anaconda, Snakes on a Plane, and Boa vs. Python have all fed the general hysteria that you are likely to be eaten by my buddies or me. Recent incidents involving my huge cousins and the idiots who try to keep them as pets have not helped. But I want to assure all concerned parties that in recorded human history there have never been any ball python-caused fatalities. Comparing me to those other snakes is akin to getting rid of the family cat because of tiger maulings. Those who have met me can testify that I am a threat to nobody, and to those that have not; I invite you to meet me in order to assuage your fears.

I Choo-Choo-Choose You

It is All-Star Weekend in the NBA, which means more traveling than an Obama campaign, less defense than a baby-hungry wife, and some fantabulous dunking. The dunk contest went through a tough run after the turn of the century, but the last two years have been wonderfully entertaining. This year gave us a David vs. Goliath theme, only Goliath dressed up as Superman and David dressed like a little chunk of Kryptonite. The diminutive (5’9”) Nate Robinson won by leaping over the gargantuan (6’11”) Dwight Howard to slam home a green basketball. I would have voted for Howard if Jarom would finally spring for some friggin’ text messaging, but I could not be upset with the winner. The athleticism was unreal, the showmanship was top-notch, and hopefully LeBron will jump in there next year.

Why is Howard protecting his crotch?  Shouldn't Robinson be doing that?

Valentine’s Day also came and went, ominously close to Friday the 13th. Jarom and Alixa went to a ward dinner/dance. It was about what you are imagining it was. The food was OK, and free, and they didn’t stick around too long after the electric slide started, so it was a pleasant experience. As a Vday present, Jarom took Alixa to Target to register for baby shenanigans. This excited Alixa a great deal. However, upon their arrival it became clear that she did not have the faintest idea about which stroller, crib, bottle, diaper, onesie, or breast pump to register for. They systematically called all the people that they know who have children in order to get advice and product recommendations. The next place to go is Babies R Us, which will probably happen this week. Jarom amuses himself by admiring the successful scams that are being run on so many parents (Alixa and Jarom included).

Alixa can't wait to start using this!

Jarom finished his first coed intramural season at UT with a 1-3 record, which means no playoffs. Tennessee, although being a full-fledged member of the Bible belt, does not possess nearly as much charity as BYU does. In Provo, everyone got to participate in postseason play regardless of how little they deserved it. But here in Knoxville playoffs are a privilege reserved only for those who win at least half of their games. He enjoyed himself more than he thought he would, though it was a little annoying to have a foul called any time a boy blocked a girl’s shot or stole the ball from her.

Jarom also started a new “job” this week. The pay scale is still a little bit hazy, but there is a possibility that it might be turn out to be decent paying. It should be a good learning opportunity, at any rate. He is basically going to be an office manager for a local tennis academy, taking care of the books and doing assorted projects that the owner wants to start but hasn’t for lack of free time. He is replacing a kid named Kyle, who is apparently a load of bricks short of a load. Most of the office stuff is simple, mindless work that just needs to get done, but all his boss could talk about was how often Kyle messed it all up. It is so nice to have such small shoes to fill. He should look pretty good in comparison.

Suprise Visitor

What a fabulous weekend here in Knoxville! A few weeks ago Alixa made plans with her dad for a weekend visit. Last weekend, we were told that the visit was not going to take place. But on Wednesday Alixa got a phone call from her daddy telling her that the trip was back on, and that he would be arriving Thursday night. East Tennessee had been cold and snowy early in the week, but being the good host that she is, she warmed up and gave us sunny weather Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Mars took full advantage of the balmy February temperatures and took Jarom and Alixa golfing twice over the weekend. It was a little wet, as the snow was still melting, but it was warm enough for shorts both days. Mars is still able to beat up on Jarom, which is probably good for both of them. Jarom did manage two birdies and a smattering of pars over the 36 holes, and Alixa even managed to play a hole, protruding belly and all. She shot even par, after nearly chipping in from about 45 yards.

This was the view on Monday.  On this day Alixa turned 24!

And Saturday.  As you can see, the ground was wet, but it was sunny and warm.  Jarom is trying to  see the flag from where his tee shot landed.  He is still very far away.

Other than golf, most of the visit was spent playing games. Mars is a bit of a Settlers of Catan junkie, and he got the Winns a new game, Ticket to Ride. Sadly, he had to go back to work early Monday morning, so I now have my room to myself again. But everyone loved having him here, especially Lixi, who is quite the daddy’s girl.

Mario had to use the bathroom at the ninth hole.  He had trouble escaping the woods after doing his business.

As promised, here is the side photo of Alixa so that everyone can see how the pregnancy is progressing. She is not particularly thrilled about it, and a little self-conscious about her size, but I keep trying to tell her that it is OK to gain weight during pregnancy. I suppose it is about the same way that I feel after I eat a mouser and I look like I might be having a baby.

No fat jokes, por favor.

Now that the little kid has a known gender, there has been quite an outpouring of love and presents. It used to be that Jarom simply had to compete with Alixa for space to put his clothes. Now he is losing his closet (which isn’t even in his room) to an unborn child who already has more clothes than she will be able to wear during her entire newborn stage of life.



Jarom got approved for life insurance this week, after some blood work to make sure that he doesn’t have AIDS or anything. He is now a liability when living, but worth $200,000 should he die. He is now trying to be extra nice to Alixa, lest she get any ideas. Also, the squirrel hasn't made any noise in a few days, so I am pretty sure that he died.