12 Days of Christmas

Alixa and Jarom are leaving me to head for Delaware for the next 12 days, so I have to write an early Merry Christmas to all of you. You see, they lock me up whenever they leave, lest we have a repeat of the summer of ’07 when I disappeared for 2 weeks. So an early happy holidays to everyone.

The Winn’s are very excited for their trip, which will include seeing a new niece and a new brother-in-law. Jarom finished up school last week, and managed to get straight A’s on his report card, something that hasn’t happened since 1999, unless you count that one spring semester at BYU when he only had one class-Tennis. So he is mildly proud of himself, although not nearly as proud as Alixa is.

This doesn't have anything to do with today's entry, but it's funny

At work, Alixa recently told her boss that she would be needing time off for Christmas. She was told that this was not a possibility. After consulting with her parents and her husband, she thanked her employer for hiring her, and informed them that she would be taking time off for Christmas and if they had to let her go, she would understand. Fortunately, she is so indispensable that her boss told her that they would like her to stay. We are all very grateful for this blessing, as it will allow us to continue to eat for a few more months.

On the church front, Lix and Jarom are still teaching the 6 year olds, and enjoy being with them. On Sunday, upon arriving at sharing time, the Primary president told Alixa that there was a teacher meeting to talk about the new class assignments after the new year and that she should come with her. Lix asked if Jarom should come as well, to which the president replied “Oh no, he’s being released so we don’t need him.” This was the first that any of the Winn’s had heard about it, which made the president feel bad and made for a funny situation. Jarom isn’t really surprised, though. The bishop keeps asking him things about his schedule and the likes, asking if he has free time, so he thinks he will probably be an executive secretary or ward clerk, something that will take up lots of time and force him to call people he doesn’t know. He’s thrilled.



On Sunday we watched Dear Zachary, a documentary about a man who was killed by his ex-girlfriend. She fled to Canada, and while the legal system was working to extradite her, she had his baby. The story focuses on the parents of the deceased, and their relationship with their grandson and the woman who shot their son. As you might imagine, it is one of the most heart-wrenching stories you will ever hear. The documentary was well made, and I recommend it to anyone who needs to cry.

I probably won’t get a chance to write again until next year, so I hope everyone enjoys their presents from Santa, and get working on your New Year’s Resolutions!

Walking in Memphis

The Winns continued their road-tripping ways again this weekend, traveling all the way across the state to Memphis. Jarom’s cousin Melissa was to be wed, and she is one of Alixa’s favorite people in the entire world. It is only about a five-hour drive, which was countered by eating out in nice restaurants on Mom and Dad’s dime. It was great to see Jarom’s parents and other relatives. Alixa was also stoked to meet Michael Oher, the subject of The Blind Side, a previous Mitch Book Club selection. They were unable to find him, but they did see his high school, and some incredibly huge estates that could belong to his adoptive parents.



This week the fantasy football season ended for our house. Both Jarom and Alixa suffered some tough luck this year. They had good teams, ranking 2 and 4 in total scoring, but Alixa ended up in last place and Jarom just barely snuck into the playoffs. Both Jarom and his brother were sitting on 20+ point leads going into Monday night’s game, where Deangelo Williams ran for 186 yards and 2 touchdowns, and Antonio Bryant had 200 yards receiving and 2 touchdowns (the second of which was the best catch of the year), ending both of their seasons. All in all, a very disappointing season, but they will both be back strong next year.

I made some new friends this week, Addison and Riley Grose. They are cute little kids who were thrilled to meet me, Riley more than Addison. Usually people are a little nervous when they meet me, because I don’t blink and because of terrible movies like Anaconda. But Riley (4 years old) was about as afraid of me as you would be a puppy. Her mom took some good pictures.

Addison is the boy and Riley is the girl. Their parents are a little gender confused, but nice people

See how terrified she is!

This is my good side

Lixi and the baby continue to grow. Her pants and bras are now all much snugger than they used to be. Today a belly band came in the mail, which will enable her to wear all of her old jeans without buttoning them up. She is extremely excited about that.

Cleveland Rocks!

Alixa's favorite shirt in the world.  Go JMU!

Jarom and Alixa just spent a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday in Cleveland visiting the Hegewalds. It was nice for them to get out of Tennessee for a few days. They left on Wednesday as soon as Lix got off work, and only had to sit in traffic for about 40 minutes before they got out of Knoxville and the roads cleared up. They arrived at about 2:00 am. About 5 hours later, much to everyone’s surprise, Jarom arose to go play football with his father-in-law and assorted other Ohioanites. It was a pretty low-key game, but Jarom enjoyed it. He has really been missing intramural sports, particularly football. Thanksgiving afternoon was spent cooking and eating. The dinner was wonderful, and afterwards they got to have Christmas, since this is the Hegewald in-law holiday and nobody will be visiting in December. Alixa got some maternity stuffs and a neat little package-opening tool that is sold on TV infomercials. Jarom got a Bluetooth headset, some golf clubs (wedges), a new jacket, and some slippers.

Jarom winning a game of Settlers, while Zak watches squirrels in the backyard

Coming home was a huge pain in the butt, because it was pouring rain the whole way and there were lots of accidents. They made the 8-hour trip in just less than 11 hours. Once back in town, presents continued via UPS. The Adidas stuff that Jarom ordered is arriving piece by piece, so the past week has been a little like Chanukah. In one interesting mix up, the wedges that Jarom was supposed to receive were accidentally replaced with a purple skateboard with skulls all over it. He thought about just keeping it, but isn’t sure how much use he will get from it.

This guy should improve any one's short game, right?

Over Thanksgiving, in order to prepare myself for the movie, I read Twilight. I thought the story was actually entertaining, although there was definitely too much yapping about Edward. I did realize why all women love him so much: Although the book constantly tells us how beautiful he is, it never actually describes much about him, allowing each reader to implant her perfect man in his place. I am now about halfway through New Moon, and imagine that I will read the whole series within the next few weeks.

The latest in a tragic line of Alixa's Thanksgiving roll debacles

In other exciting news, Jarom bought gas for $1.36/gal today. Somehow he stumbled upon a fold in the space-time continuum that led him to a gas station in 1999. It was great.

I can't think of a good title

Apparently the election of Mr. Obama has in fact caused Hell to freeze over, or at least East Tennessee. Alixa has begun to put a towel on her windshield to avoid the awful chore of scraping ice off in the morning. For that little trick we owe a thanks to the Ericksons, and we also recommend it to anyone who doesn’t like cold mornings. But I suppose winter has to arrive everywhere, even here. The good news is that along with cold weather comes trips to Cleveland for Thanksgiving (next week), a trip to Memphis for a long awaited wedding (the next week), and a trip back to Delaware for Christmas/another wedding (more weeks later). For now Jarom is busy wrapping up school and Lix is busy trying to not throw up.



One of the cool things about being a sport management major here at UT is that Jarom gets to see some world-class facilities. This week he had the chance to tour the football stadium and basketball arena, both of which are top tier according to just about any rating system. He was able to see how the media was set up for TV production, got to see some of the areas beneath the stadium that are used for recruiting, and toured the skyboxes.




There is a new book for my book club this week: Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. Jarom has already read it and Lix is working on it now, although I am not sure she is enjoying it that much. It is sort of a thinking person’s book, not a novel, and she needs a story to keep her interest. Speaking of books, one that did catch her interest was the Twilight series, which is now in movie form. I read an amusing review of it today, and thought I would include a few tidbits. The whole thing is here-

Look, I know the drill. If any element of the Twilight movie varies even slightly from the way you pictured it in your head, then it is the worst film ever made and you hate it and Catherine Hardwicke has ruined your childhood. Or, alternatively, you've built up so much anticipation for the movie that you're going to love love LOVE it no matter what, even if it's bad, you don't care, you refuse to listen to any criticisms LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I know how it goes.
…
This is not a vampire movie. This is a somber teen romance that happens to have some vampires in it. Little attempt is made to establish the mythology of the bloodsuckers, and the supernatural elements are downplayed. All of which is in keeping with the tone of Stephenie Meyer's book, which is eight parts romance and two parts action/fantasy. That's why it's been such a phenomenal success with women, and why the male-dominated geek industry -- the Nerderati, if you will -- has been so skeptical of that success. "What?" they scoff. "A super-popular vampire book that we, as men, AREN'T interested in? Inconceivable! It must be terrible, and its popularity is probably being over-reported!"
…
One of the reasons I only liked Meyer's novel rather than loving it was that it felt bogged down by endless descriptions of how beautiful Edward was. Don't get me wrong -- I love hearing about hot 17-year-old boys as much as the next person. But the continual mooning and swooning made me impatient.
…
In the film, of course, this is mostly eliminated. There is no need to tell us about Edward's beauty when he's right here in front of us and we can see for ourselves (assuming we are not distracted by his tall, disorderly hair, that is). There are other problems, too, mostly with the Cullens, who always appear to be practicing their Zoolander Blue Steel faces. The vampires' pale skin is represented by too much powdery face makeup, which makes Dr. Cullen in particular look like a mime. The crucial baseball scene, with the Cullens whacking one homer after another out in a forest clearing, is underwhelming. (In a game of vampire baseball, do they use vampire bats? Get it? Vampire bats? I got a million of 'em!)



Unfortunately, Lix will have to wait until it comes to Redbox, but she is OK with that. I think she knows that she won’t like it that much, as is usually the case with a book that she likes turned into a movie (see-Harry Potter, The Devil Wears Prada). However, that isn’t all bad news because when she watches it on DVD she will be watching it on her very own 42” plasma TV!!! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the Winns have finally befriended someone who just happened to be giving away a big ol’ flatscreen TV. It is a few years old, but in good condition. It was replaced by a newer model because of a problem with the VGA connection (used for computers) which doesn’t matter to us. To add to their good fortune, Jarom got paid this week for his work with Adidas during the past few months. That means $1000 at shopadidas.com! I make no promises, but if you ask nicely and quickly you might be able to get a Christmas present from him. Soon there will be lots of very nice exercise apparel sitting in the closets not being used. I can’t wait.

This is not the actual TV, but is the same model.  I'll put up a picture of the new living room setup as soon as Jarom takes one.

Room for Expansion

As I am sure you are all aware, there was a week filled with big news in the Winn home: I finally got a bigger half log that fits me! For this I owe a debt of gratitude to Lixi’s mom, who graciously funded the improvement after seeing me in my impoverished state last month. Thanks PJ!

Old and new homes. Quite an improvement.

Also, Jarom and Alixa went public with the news of their pregnancy. My last blog post set a new record for comments with 11, and that number keeps growing. It is nice to see that there are lots of people out there who have nothing better to do at work or school than surf the internet and read about our lives. Since the announcement, Jarom feels as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He was very worried that he would say something to someone and give it away, as he is not very good at keeping secrets. Both Jarom and Lix are very excited about the growth of their family, and their lives are already starting to change. Jarom is now getting a life insurance policy that will make him worth 10 times more dead than alive, Alixa has stopped drinking diet coke and eating grapes to protect her pea sized child, and they are currently trying to change some vacation plans that might interfere with the due date next June. I am not immune from the effects of the pregnancy either. You probably noticed the alien bouncing around in a snowglobe at the top right corner of my blog. Alixa put it there and told me she would step on my noggin if I took it off. Alixa had her first doctor visit this week and came home with her first ultrasound images of the kid. She maintains that it is already a very cute baby, although if you ask Jarom it looks vaguely like a mouse. At any rate, those pics are up on the fridge, the first of what will surely be millions of photos throughout its life.

Jarom and Alixa continue to meet new friends here in Tennessee, and are enjoying themselves more and more with each passing week. This week they went out to dinner with the Groses (see last week’s entry) and the Branners, who played on the softball team with Alixa. It is a little strange to hang out with them, because they are a little bit older, have kids, and are not flat broke like us. But they are great people and it is nice to have something to do on weekends.



In honor of all the craziness surrounding Prop 8 in California I will mention something Jarom saw recently. It was a bumper sticker for Gatlinburg, TN, which is the home of Dollywood and other fun country attractions. Unfortunately, at least in Jarom’s eyes, they chose to represent themselves on this bumper sticker with the same three letters used to refer to Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexuals. He thought it was pretty funny.

1000 words

November Sunshine

Tennessee’s beautiful weather has continued this week, with temperatures up in the 70’s all week. This has prompted the Winn’s to do more things outside, at least while they still can. They went golfing on Saturday with some friends, and Alixa is starting to feel much more comfortable with her new clubs. She had two pars and a bunch of really great shots. Jarom also got to play nine holes earlier in the week with a nuclear scientist who worked at a naval base in Pocatello (that’s right, Pocatello, Idaho has or had a naval base.) He worked on the prototypes for the Nautilus and Enterprise projects, which were the first nuclear powered submarine and aircraft carrier.

In order to help Lixi pay for life, Jarom has begun to sell his plasma at a local donation center. Apparently this sort of work only attracts the lowest dregs of society. This is startling, because as you sit in that place and look around, these are not necessarily the kind of people that you want to be sharing bodily fluids with. They test the blood, so I assume that it all comes out clean, but it makes me nervous for those who might be on the receiving end. But they pay between $20-$40 a pop, which isn’t bad for an hour or two of sitting.

This picture doesn't do it justice, but this is what happens when the folks at the blood bank don't know what they are doing.  I guess Lix doesn't have to worry about Jarom taking up heroin.  He bruises like a peach.

One of the rules about donating is that you must weigh at least 110 lbs. To verify this fact, all donors must step on a scale before starting. It was during this weigh-in that Jarom realized that he has cracked the 200 pound barrier for the first time in his life. This made him sad, and has inspired him to increase his exercise regime. He is also motivated in part by his many friends and family members who have recently run marathons. They all tell him that it is great and that he should try it, but he doubts that he will ever go that far off the deep end. His lazy personality will probably keep him from ever becoming one of those runners, like this lady who finished her jog despite having a rabid fox attached to her arm, or this guy who finished his cross country race despite having a rusty nail embedded in his foot. In fairness, I guess such craziness extends to all sports, as evidenced by this college football player who had his finger amputated instead of sitting out the last few games of the season.

The Winns also made some new friends this week. The Grose family (unfortunate, I know) lives in their ward and consists of two adults (about 5 years older than Jarom and Lix) and two kids (about 20 years younger) and a dog. They are nice people who seem to get along well with others, but the best thing about them is their media room. It has a projection screen, speakers as big as bookshelves, a Wii and PS3, and 2 400 DVD changers. On Friday night they went over to play Rock Band and watch a movie. I anticipate that there will be many more visits to the Grose residence in the future.

Change We Can Believe In

This week Tennessee Football Coach Phillip Fulmer was asked by the AD to resign at the end of the season.  This is not a huge surprise, given the disappointing year the Vols have had and the pressure that has been mounting for several seasons.  As new denizens of Knoxville, we haven't really had the chance to form an opinion about Mr. Fulmer until this week.  Watching the press conference (the video is here) made me (and Lixi and Jarom) big fans of his.  Getting a new head coach might be the right direction for the team, but they are losing a great man and a great coach.  Lix shed a few tears watching it, and Jarom thought about it, which is just as good.  Sports really do allow for wonderful moments and create special bonds between people that can last a lifetime.

We also elected a new president today.  As I have stated before, I am no Obama hater, despite holding some very different political views.  I highly doubt that the United States will fall apart during the next four years, despite what some on Fox News may claim.  From an apolitical viewpoint I think that all Americans should feel good about this election and the fact that a black man has achieved the highest office in the land.  I really believe that this is a great sign of the progress that we as a society have made.  Obviously I was not around for any of the civil rights movement or fighting for gender equality, so to me it really isn't that big of a deal that Obama is part African.  And I think that may be the best sign of all.  Many years ago the US decided that it would combat racism by forcing desegregation upon its citizens.  Perhaps we are getting to the point where coercion is no longer needed and race will now begin to recede into a non-factor.  We are certainly not there yet, but this is a good step in that direction.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat as Necessary

After a week long cold snap where temperatures dropped all the way down to the low 30’s at night, Tennessee is enjoying an Indian Summer. The daytime highs have been around 70 all week, and the forecast predicts that next week will bring more of the same. It sure makes life easier for Jarom, who does not enjoy riding his bike to his 8:00 class in chilly weather. It also keeps the links open, which is a nice treat.

Sadly, as the temperature rose around us so did tempers in the house, as Jarom and Lix got into a huge fight this week (That, boys and girls, is what we call a segue [pronounced segway, like the two wheeled vehicle for lazy people (now I just want to see how many different sets of parentheses I can get in here [it’s 4.])]) This may surprise most of you, because you have never seen Alixa and Jarom fight, and because you are not sure that Jarom is even capable of caring enough to cause a ruckus. If you had these thoughts, then you were correct. They didn’t really have a fight, just a disagreement of opinion. You see, the Winns are poor. This is mostly Jarom’s fault, as he makes no money, which has prompted him to begin to sell his blood at the local plasma center, which is a subject for a whole other blog entry. But all fault aside, they need to work on being more frugal. While shopping the other day for shampoo, Jarom noticed that the type of shampoo that Alixa likes to use is roughly 3 times as expensive as other shampoos. Having never really purchased shampoo, for obvious reasons, Jarom wondered what ingredient this brand contains that would cause it to clean Alixa’s hair thrice as well. It is cetrimonium chloride. This particular ingredient emits an aroma that dupes suckers into paying extra money in exchange for the belief that they are receiving a superior product. Jarom won the battle and a less expensive brand was purchased. Alixa won the war and went back to buying top-shelf shampoos after a one-bottle hiatus. I anticipate a few comments from women telling me that the $10 bottle is in fact much better than the $4 one, but rest assured, you have also been duped.

Each of these shampoos contain false claims about adding body 

and protecting hair, but the one above is way more expensive.  You can tell because the name is in French.  That means it is really good.

Alixa has also recently taken up knitting, after Ansally taught her how last week. She started by making potholders, which have gotten closer and closer to functionality as she improves her technique (the first one ended up being a triangle and not a rectangle). It gives her something to do while she watches TLC and Desperate Housewives.

The Winn’s new calling as primary teachers is also going well. They taught their first lesson last Sunday, and it went well enough. They messed up the story of the Good Samaritan, but none of the kids know anything so it slipped under the radar. I think that they are both going to like it, even if they will miss interacting with adults. Being able to eat and draw and play games during class is a good trade off.

Don't forget to vote on Tuesday, or you won't be allowed to whine and complain during the next four years about how all the country's problems are someone else's fault because you voted for "the other guy."

Knoxville Vacation Part II

After getting rid of Alixa’s parents last Sunday, we had a short turnaround of a few days before we received our next guest on Wednesday this week. The Winns decided to fill the void with some sporting events. Monday evening was Alixa’s softball games. Her church team was in the midst of a double elimination tournament and had previously lost one game. They won the first game they played by a healthy margin (10ish) but the second game was much closer. It came all the way down to the bottom of the final inning. The score was tied and the opposing team had managed to load the bases. This was primarily thanks to the pitcher, who had walked two batters (both females). This was particularly upsetting to Alixa, who some of you may know as a t-shirt winning pitcher of Division I BYU intramurals. A grounder to the third baseman allowed for a tag out on the girl coming home, which caused quite an uproar. The tag was a bit high and the fielders glove did brush her face, but not in a malicious or even particularly rough manner. But in stereotypical girl fashion, she held her face and yipped as if she had just taken a bullet. This caused the opposing team to go off the deep end, yelling and screaming at anyone who would listen, and some who would not. This included the runner on second base hollering at Alixa, who was playing center field, to “SHUT UP”. All of the hysteria soon quieted down after the pitcher surrendered a game-ending, bases-loaded walk…to a girl.

On the upside, the loss meant that there was no softball game Tuesday night, which allowed Lix and Jarom to go play nine holes of golf and use her new clubs. Alixa didn’t play her best, but we think that she is just getting used to the clubs and that things will continue to improve. At any rate, they both enjoyed it.

Wednesday brought the arrival of Ansally Day, one of our best friends from Utah (She is not from Utah, but that is where we became friends.) She is a bit sporadic and crazy, and decided that she would love to come to Tennessee and visit us. We could not have been happier to have her. Few plans were made for the weekend, although the possibility of going to Dollywood was thrown about. Fortunately for Jarom, it rained very hard on Friday and he was spared the indignity of wandering around an amusement park listening to country music and looking at images of what seems to be a wax museum doll with DDDD bazoombas.

Seriously, how long ago did she die?

Wednesday also brought the start of the World Series, which the Phillies are in for the first time since 1993. Jarom can vividly remember that series, when he would get off the bus from school and hurry up to his parents bedroom to watch the games on their freakishly small TV. Things are looking good for the Phils, who lead 2-1 and are currently leading 5-1 in game four as I type this entry. As bad as regular season baseball is to watch, playoff baseball is quite entertaining to me. Lix claims to be a Rays fan, so it has been fun giving her a hard time about things, although I fear that this series will go to seven games regardless of the winner.




In other sports news, Ansally and the Winns went to watch the Knoxville Ice Bears play on Friday night. This is a minor league hockey team with whom Jarom is doing a school project. It was Alixa’s first hockey game in several years, and only the third or fourth for Jarom. However, thanks to ESPN’s Sportscenter, he was able to teach her things like icing, power plays, off-sides, the business model of regional minor leagues, and the technical features of a zamboni that enable it to smooth the ice (it’s an all-encompassing show.) The best part of the evening, as any hockey fan knows, was the fight. It broke out right in front of us during the second period, and lasted for about 30-45 seconds before one of the players went to the ground and it was stopped. If you ever get a chance to see a hockey fight, divert your eyes from the action for just a moment and take a look at the other players. You will see them casually leaning on their sticks watching the action, as disinterested as can be, until the fight ends and they congratulate their buddy. What a contrast from other sports, where entire teams charge off the benches at the first verbal insult or mild chest bump. Hockey players are crazy!

This video is a great example of a hockey fight.  Watch closely at :40 to see all the other players standing around watching the action.

Knoxville Vacation

They say there are two topics that you should never bring up if you want to avoid contention: religion and politics. Since I have a pretty homogenous fan base, religiously speaking, I think I will take a stab at politics just to see how it goes. For those of you who live in a cave, there is a presidential election coming up between a black man who has no experience doing anything and caters to terrorists and an old white man who may keel over at any moment and leave us with a female president who believes that waving at other countries qualifies as foreign policy experience. I am an interested observer of the race, although I remain undecided. I have watched the debates with Jarom and have decided that I like Mr. Obama. I have been very impressed with the way that he has handled himself, and equally disappointed with the way that Mr. McCain has run his campaign. Unfortunately, I disagree with a number of Obama’s positions, which leaves me torn. Do I vote for a guy that I don’t respect and don’t like who shares my views on taxes and abortion, or do I vote for a guy that I like and respect who leans in a different direction on those issues? In the end it doesn’t matter, since animals still lack the constitutional right to vote that so many of you people take for granted.



On a less controversial tangent, Alixa’s parents came to visit this weekend. They arrived at 3 am Friday morning; just about the time Jarom finished watching the new Indiana Jones movie (two thumbs down). A few hours later, Jarom and Mario got up to go play a round of golf while the girls went to have tea. Friday afternoon was spent in Gatlinburg, a picturesque little town in the Smoky Mountains that is a popular tourist destination this time of year, what with the leaves changing colors and all. Sadly, this meant that there was some serious traffic that had to be dealt with. But it was pretty, and they enjoyed themselves. They even went to see an entertaining magic show while they were there.

A good example of Gatlinburg's quaintness

Saturday morning Alixa joined the boys for nine holes of golf, and then they played some tennis. In an attempt to gain an advantage, Lixi and Jarom scheduled some windy conditions so as to confuse their opponents, who are used to playing indoors. Alas, it did not work and they lost to the old folks. Then they went down to UT’s campus to see the pregame festivities and marvel at the tailgate setups (satellite TV, full size grills, copious quantities of food and beverage, both alcoholic and non…) They thought about attending the game, but the temperatures were scheduled to drop into the 40’s so they decided not to. UT did manage to finally win convincingly, dropping Miss. State 34-3.

The highlight of the day came when PJ and Mars decided to get Alixa an early Christmas present: A new set of golf clubs! She has been going with Jarom and getting pretty good, and she thought that a set of pink golf clubs would be just the thing to complete her game. She is excited to test them out this week and very grateful to her wonderful parents.

Even Malibu Golf Barbie would be jealous of Alixa now

Sadly, the Hegewalds had to return to Cleveland, and there just wasn’t enough time to do all the things they wanted to. Maybe they will come back in the spring. They are more than welcome to stay in my room anytime they would like, as PJ made a donation to my half-log fund. So I should be getting a new home soon. Now the Winns have three days to prepare for their next guest who will be arriving on Wednesday. This place is turning into quite the hotel.

Yougoogling

verb
1. The art of speaking at a funeral
2. Seeing how famous you are on the internet




In my spare time this week I learned what  my status was on Google. Type in Mitch Winn and the number one image that comes up is yours truly giving a “hi-yah” to a mouser. I then did Alixa – who is only on the Internet because of me as a Winn, but does have a few things on there from her past life as Alix Hegewald. Jarom has a boatload of stuff, from lacrosse box scores and articles throughout his career to high school band stuff (for those who did not know, he used to be a huge loser.) I tried unsuccessfully to find some records of Alix’s Georgia State swim title, to no avail. However, I was able to find some other swim records online. Skyline Swim Club, where Jarom and his siblings swam every summer has their records posted. Sadly, Jarom was never good or lucky enough to get one. Jason and Nathan are both still on the list, thanks to the three other people on their relay teams. And in case anyone cares, M. Iffland is definitely the best female swimmer to ever come out of that place, as she owns about half the records on the board.

Jarom also learned something this week. The front porch of our apartment is part of some sort of slug migration route. We know this because every night you can go outside and see between one and four of them crossing our welcome mat. We think that they may enjoy the feel of the surface on their slimy underbellies, because they tend to hang out for awhile, and in the morning you can see their figure eight trails left behind in slime. Jarom had heard that salt and slugs don’t mix, but had never seen this phenomenon first hand, so he gave it a shot, and sure enough, they shrivel up like an old man. We haven’t seen any slugs the past few days, so we are wondering if the rest of them have heard about the incident and are staying away to protect themselves.




The Winn family would like to recommend a book to anyone who might be interested: The Blind Side. It tells the story of Michael Oher, a kid from Memphis who grew up on the streets, got adopted by some rich white folk who don’t like Mormons and is currently the left tackle for Ole Miss and will be playing in the NFL next year. Alixa wants nothing more than to meet him because she thinks the story is so cool. A very heartwarming story that also talks a lot about football, so boys and girls should enjoy it.

Snug as a bug...

Autumn brings cool weather and football. This is a conflict for me, as an avid sports fan and cold-blooded animal. Thankfully Jarom and Lixi have plenty of blankets around the house and are more than happy to let me use them while I watch the games. Speaking of games, Tennessee’s football team seems to be continuously lowering expectations and then failing to meet them. They just faced the not-so-mighty Northern Illinois Huskies and were barely able to eke out a 13-9 win. This week they get to travel to Athens to face an upset UGA team looking to rebound after their first loss. I don’t think it will be pretty.

Watching Reggie Bush return punts for TDs on MNF.

He can do much better than skanky Kardashian.

In around-the-house news, the Winn’s had a water heater flood their apartment for the second time in 3 years. Some of you may recall an incident that occurred a few apartments ago, before I had arrived on the scene. Some faulty wiring caused the heater to continually heat the water until the pressure was so high that the tank safety valve released the water into their kitchen. This time the water heater tank simply cracked, with similar results. Fortunately Jarom was home when it happened and was able to call maintenance and get it taken care of rather quickly. It appears that there will be no damage to any of their things and no serious repairs to be made. I am just grateful that this place has two floors and that I am on the second, where floods are simply not an issue.

The LDS General Conference took place this past weekend, which we all enjoyed. It is nice to listen to all those old men tell their stories. My favorite moment came in a talk given by Elaine Dalton, the Young Women’s president. She told about how her new presidency climbed up to Ensign peak to have their first meeting. In an act that seems supremely young womanish, they tied a yellow flag to a stick and waved it over the Salt Lake Valley. The thought of three older women waving a flag up on that hill just makes me snicker.

Jason showed Jarom this picture.  It made him smile.

The Winn’s will be hosting their first visitors next weekend (Nate and Kenz did spend the night here the first day we moved in, but it doesn’t count as hosting a visitor if they had to unpack their own bed.) Mars and Pidge Hegewald will be coming to see their daughter and take in a UT football game. They (the Winns) are looking forward to a fun weekend.

Lipstick on a Pig

You can put a melon on a cat's head, but it is still a cat.

However, it now looks much funnier.

We are now officially in autumn, although the starting day should really be moved to the opening weekend of football, either college or pro. But some leaves are beginning to change here in Knoxville, and Jarom has been forced to wear pants when he gets on his motorcycle to attend his 8 am classes. The Winns actually quite enjoy the cool weather, especially after they got their power bill last month and realized that Knoxville apparently creates electricity by burning money to turn their generators.

October also brings playoff baseball, which is the only kind that should ever be watched on TV. It is acceptable to attend a baseball game in person during the summer, but that is more for the fun environment than the actual game. I don’t wish to bore you with all of my picks for annual awards, but I do want to congratulate CC Sabathia, as he is my choice for National League MVP. Despite only a half season with the Brewers, he was nearly unhittable and gave his team the psychological boost they needed to squeak into the playoffs. Unfortunately he now faces the Phillies, so I must root against him. I will also be rooting against the Cubs and the Red Sox, as I believe those teams should remain and go back to being cursed, respectively.

Aside from the fact that my 401(k) is soaring like a lead balloon, the big news the past few weeks is that the presidential and vice-presidential debates have started. As no party has made the slightest mention of any of my concerns, I label myself an independent. As such, I enjoy the debates, but the format is a tad frustrating. My solution is to format the debates like Around The Horn, a show on ESPN. The host asks questions and the candidates answer, but the host has a mute button that shuts off a candidates mic if he rambles for too long or rudely interrupts while his opponent is talking. I just get annoyed listening to multiple people with monster egos trying to get in the last word. I must say that of the four candidates I enjoy listening to Sarah Palin the most, with all her “gosh darns” and hockey references in her silly Minnesotan accent, don'cha know.

A half-log without any bells or whistles

Finally, I have a plight that I must alert you all of. It seems as though I am outgrowing my half-log, a hollowed out piece of tree that serves as my home and sanctuary. I have made requests that a new, larger half-log be purchased, perhaps one with Wi-Fi and satellite TV, so that I might be able to enjoy a less cramped lifestyle. Jarom claims that he is a poor college student and that Lixi “barely makes enough to feed my golfing addiction.”  So, if any of my faithful readers feel inclined to make a donation to my cause, I will happily accept.  I thank you in advance for your kindness and generosity.

Gay Aiken

On this weeks edition of People magazine Clay Aiken, who just had a baby with his 50-year-old best friend thanks to in vitro fertilization, announced his gayness to the entire world. Amazingly, there were still a few folks who were unaware of this. Next weeks planned cover: a picture of Jesse Jackson and the words “Yes, I hate white people.”

Seriously, who didn't see this one a mile away?

It is starting to look very bleak for the once-mighty Vols football team this season. Already 1-2, they now look forward to away games at Auburn (ranked #15), Georgia (#3), South Carolina, and Vanderbilt (#21), and a home game against Alabama (#8). Optimistically, they might be able to squeak out a 5-7 record. It sure doesn’t look like we brought any good luck with us here to Knoxville.

Jarom and Alixa received a new calling in church this week. They will be teaching 6 year-olds in primary. Alixa is more thrilled than Jarom about it, but that is probably about as surprising as the Aiken news. It will get them out of Relief Society/Priesthood each week and give them a reason to have goldfish in church, so it should be a good time.

Sadly, Alixa injured herself this week. She was playing tennis with Jarom when she heard something in her foot pop. It doesn’t hurt unless she puts weight on it, which is sort of a good thing. She is currently uninsured, so she is going to wait another day or two before deciding if she needs medical attention. This is why you shouldn’t have feet. It is just more potential problems.

I think the real reason she got hurt is the bad karma that she has been accumulating as a result of her new found love of country music. A few days ago Jarom came home to her singing something about getting back to her roots, something something look at them boots…it isn’t good. Jarom had sensed that this would happen, but he never expected it to sink in this quickly. You should all be happy to know that he continues to resist and shows no signs of giving in.

I guess not everything about country culture is bad

For anyone interested, the answer to last weeks quiz is Lance Armstrong, who was born Lance Gunderson. Quite an upgrade, at least from a marketing standpoint. I am certain LiveDerson bracelets would not have been nearly as popular.

Florida has a reptile dysfunction

It is Florida week here in Knoxville, which means that the crazy has been kicked up a notch for the start of SEC play. Forgotten, at least for the moment, is the unfortunate season-opening loss to UCLA. Hope springs eternal as the town thinks about upsetting the fourth ranked and much hated Gators. Since a victory is highly unlikely I have to talk bad about them now, before the beatdown.

Two cars decorated in typical UT fashion.

It goes to show that in this town, both the rich and poor are crazy.

Speaking of college football, both Lixi and Jarom have received taunting messages from friends this week in the wake of BYU’s 59-0 dismantling of UCLA. Some of you may think that because we are now in Tennessee we have begun to hate the cougars. This is not the case. In fact, we will continue to root for them and hope that they win all their games, even when they are playing someone who beat UT.

Alixa continues at her ambulatory job (which is ironic because she just sits in a chair all day), and has started to become friends with the ladies at her office. Today they found out she was a Mormon after she heard one of them talking about having 3 flat tires and mistook it for incredibly bad luck (since most of my readers are also LDS I should clarify that a flat tire is an alcoholic beverage.)

Jarom continues to enjoy golf, especially now that the beautiful Tennessee autumn has started. However, the Winn family has no money, so in order to keep playing he has to walk instead of using a cart. In order to cut down on the number of miles he had to walk, he played only one ball. Despite (actually because of) not having a driver in his bag, he played nine holes at +7, mulligan free. He hopes it doesn’t get too cold here and he can keep playing until November.

Imagine him without the smile, and replace 

the cap and gown with 45 pounds of gold chains.

Jarom does also go to his classes, which he likes. He actually hasn’t missed a single one yet, which is probably the longest he has ever gone into a school year without an absence. Nancy should check the archives and verify that. In his sport marketing class he sits next to Mr. T. His name is Jesse Turnbow, and he looks and sounds like B.A. Baracus. He played O line for the Vols in the late 70’s and was then drafted by the Cleveland Browns. He is 6-8, 360, and Jarom hopes to get him to say, “I pity the fool” by the end of the semester.

Check out the video in the top right corner of the blog, and take the quiz, without searching the Internet for the answer.

Drivin' me nuts!

What a weekend! The NFL regular season began, which is exciting around this house. Jarom managed to squeak by Alixa in their fantasy football matchup, although it was closer than expected and came down to the Monday night games. The college football season, despite being only two weeks old is already shaping up to be a great one. I have decided to become an East Carolina fan, because I like how they keep upsetting ranked opponents and I want to be a pirate.



The most emotional moment of the weekend happened while I was watching the BYU-UW game, which was on cable TV here in Knoxville. After a marvelous fourth quarter, capped by 76-yard drive that ended with an amazing QB rush into the end zone for a chance to send the game into OT. It was at this moment that the worst call I have ever seen in any athletic competition occurred. UW’s QB was so excited after scoring the TD that he jumped to his feet, threw the ball in the air and went crazy with his teammates. He was flagged for excessive celebration and the extra point became a 35-yard field goal, which was blocked. That sent BYU’s entire team pouring onto the field from the sideline, demonstrating perfectly the kind of behavior that should get a penalty. It was an unfortunate incident of refs not allowing the players to decide the game. BYU probably would have won in overtime, as they seemed to be the better team, but that isn’t the point. To read a good article about the incident, click here.



In other news, Lixi got a job that she started on Monday. She is a receptionist type person for the local emergency response company (Ambulances). She wants to get paid more, but at least she has something to do during the day now. She will keep her eyes peeled for better opportunities, but she feels lucky to have this job right now. Jarom and Alixa made friends with another young couple in the ward over dinner and Settlers on Sunday evening. They seem to have many similar interests, and they even liked me, so hopefully it will stick. Alixa also joined the ward softball team, which plays in a local church league against the Baptists, Lutherans, etc… I guess we will see which church is true soon enough.

Jarom is enjoying his classes and likes his teachers. He has two foreigners who speak spotty English and enjoys hearing the silly things in the English language that we usually take for granted. One example that made him smile yesterday: his teacher was talking about why people play sports, and he used the phrase “play skiing” in a sentence. On the surface it isn’t too far off, but it sounds ridiculous. Those are the sorts of things that keep him paying attention during his nearly 3 hour Monday evening class.

Job Fare

Another week has passed, and the Winn’s are starting to get into a little bit of a rhythm here in Knoxville. Jarom is enjoying his classes, learning about intercollegiate athletics and sport law. Alixa is working at the Olive Garden, a band-aid to keep us from starving until she can land a better job that will hopefully allow her to work a more typical 9-5 schedule. Even though she hopes to be out of the restaurant business very shortly, she does great work there. She already has a regular customer who asks for her by name. She says that the alcohol consumption is not much different here as compared to Provo, but everyone orders “sweet tea”, which is simply iced tea and boatloads of sugar [Recipe: 3 gallons iced tea, 5 lbs sugar]. She has also earned 4 free lunches from guest compliments and other outstanding services.

We have been here long enough to start noticing other interesting traits of eastern Tennessee. One of these is an omnipresence of the unwanted-results-of-sexual-activity industry. There are lots of ads for pregnancy testing and prevention (especially on UT’s campus) and many others for STD prevention. Perhaps this is the norm and Utah simply has less, but it has been interesting to see. Alixa is hoping that the environment will help her to get knocked up.

As many of you probably know, UT lost their season opener to UCLA. The town has been sad the past few days, and it is not the best start for turning Jarom into a diehard Vols fan. In other football news, the NFL starts this week. That means that the annual Jarom vs. Alixa fantasy football game is on this weekend. The all-time matchup currently stands at 2-1 in Lixi’s favor, although Jarom is optimistic for this game.

Jarom turned 27 last week, and nobody came to his party. Jerks. For his birthday the internship gods gave him a position with Adidas working with the regional director of team sales. That means that he will be doing stuff with high schools and colleges that get their equipment and/or uniforms from Adidas. It should be interesting, it gets him school credit, and at the end of the semester he will get $1000-1500 worth of stuff from Adidas. That’s a lot of workout clothes!

Lastly, a funny story. As part of her job search Alixa needed to fax a resume to several potential employers. Today Jarom found a stack of 4 resumes and 4 cover letters in the car. A little embarrassed, Alixa admitted that she had printed them up without realizing that she could simply fax the same resume and same cover letter four times. In full disclosure, I must make it known that this was simply a mental lapse. She did not think that fax machines actually send the physical piece of paper. She just had a brain fart. But I laughed when I heard it.

From UT to

I spent the first few years of my life in the western United States, where people talk about “Utah’s Holy War” and claim to “bleed cougar blue”. I hate to break it to these people, but they don’t have the slightest idea what it means to be a fan. I now live in SEC country, home of the best college football teams in the country(just ask THE Ohio State University). And it isn’t just that the teams are good. The people here live and breath with their schools. It seems as though every car has at least one orange T on it somewhere, and everywhere you look someone is wearing orange. We are very excited for the football season to start in a few weeks, and though Alixa and Jarom didn’t get season tickets they will definitely go to a few home games this season. It should be an awesome experience.

Our new living room

Our first full week in Knoxville has consisted of many trips to the store, whether that be WalMart, Sams Club, Bed Bath & Beyond, or others. We are starting to feel like we have things under control, and the walls are getting covered with pictures. To see the full album with moving pics and some shots of our new place click here. Jarom and Lix have taken advantage of the pool and tennis court here, although they still have no friends. Hopefully they will get some soon, because I am tired of hearing the Friends theme song every night.

All Jarom has to show for 12 years at BYU

Alixa has been busy with several things while Jarom started his graduate classes this week. She is looking for a job, and while she is as yet unemployed, she has several very promising leads. There should be good news on that front in the coming weeks. She also got library cards for her and Jarom, which has been a great find. The library has a huge reserve of movies that can be checked out and lots of new fiction for them to read. They don’t have a lot of experience using libraries, but it seems like TN has a great system here and they are thrilled to use it.



After golfing 5 times while in Delaware, Jarom couldn’t make it very long without hitting the links, so he took Lix and they played 9 holes Friday morning. He got to use his new rescue club, which he loves (thanks Mars), and Alixa got to use her new golf bag. It was a beautiful morning on a sparsely populated course, and they each hit enough good shots to keep them happy and enough bad shots to justify maybe going again this week. I think it is cute that they are able to share this hobby.