Knoxville Vacation Part II

After getting rid of Alixa’s parents last Sunday, we had a short turnaround of a few days before we received our next guest on Wednesday this week. The Winns decided to fill the void with some sporting events. Monday evening was Alixa’s softball games. Her church team was in the midst of a double elimination tournament and had previously lost one game. They won the first game they played by a healthy margin (10ish) but the second game was much closer. It came all the way down to the bottom of the final inning. The score was tied and the opposing team had managed to load the bases. This was primarily thanks to the pitcher, who had walked two batters (both females). This was particularly upsetting to Alixa, who some of you may know as a t-shirt winning pitcher of Division I BYU intramurals. A grounder to the third baseman allowed for a tag out on the girl coming home, which caused quite an uproar. The tag was a bit high and the fielders glove did brush her face, but not in a malicious or even particularly rough manner. But in stereotypical girl fashion, she held her face and yipped as if she had just taken a bullet. This caused the opposing team to go off the deep end, yelling and screaming at anyone who would listen, and some who would not. This included the runner on second base hollering at Alixa, who was playing center field, to “SHUT UP”. All of the hysteria soon quieted down after the pitcher surrendered a game-ending, bases-loaded walk…to a girl.

On the upside, the loss meant that there was no softball game Tuesday night, which allowed Lix and Jarom to go play nine holes of golf and use her new clubs. Alixa didn’t play her best, but we think that she is just getting used to the clubs and that things will continue to improve. At any rate, they both enjoyed it.

Wednesday brought the arrival of Ansally Day, one of our best friends from Utah (She is not from Utah, but that is where we became friends.) She is a bit sporadic and crazy, and decided that she would love to come to Tennessee and visit us. We could not have been happier to have her. Few plans were made for the weekend, although the possibility of going to Dollywood was thrown about. Fortunately for Jarom, it rained very hard on Friday and he was spared the indignity of wandering around an amusement park listening to country music and looking at images of what seems to be a wax museum doll with DDDD bazoombas.

Seriously, how long ago did she die?

Wednesday also brought the start of the World Series, which the Phillies are in for the first time since 1993. Jarom can vividly remember that series, when he would get off the bus from school and hurry up to his parents bedroom to watch the games on their freakishly small TV. Things are looking good for the Phils, who lead 2-1 and are currently leading 5-1 in game four as I type this entry. As bad as regular season baseball is to watch, playoff baseball is quite entertaining to me. Lix claims to be a Rays fan, so it has been fun giving her a hard time about things, although I fear that this series will go to seven games regardless of the winner.




In other sports news, Ansally and the Winns went to watch the Knoxville Ice Bears play on Friday night. This is a minor league hockey team with whom Jarom is doing a school project. It was Alixa’s first hockey game in several years, and only the third or fourth for Jarom. However, thanks to ESPN’s Sportscenter, he was able to teach her things like icing, power plays, off-sides, the business model of regional minor leagues, and the technical features of a zamboni that enable it to smooth the ice (it’s an all-encompassing show.) The best part of the evening, as any hockey fan knows, was the fight. It broke out right in front of us during the second period, and lasted for about 30-45 seconds before one of the players went to the ground and it was stopped. If you ever get a chance to see a hockey fight, divert your eyes from the action for just a moment and take a look at the other players. You will see them casually leaning on their sticks watching the action, as disinterested as can be, until the fight ends and they congratulate their buddy. What a contrast from other sports, where entire teams charge off the benches at the first verbal insult or mild chest bump. Hockey players are crazy!

This video is a great example of a hockey fight.  Watch closely at :40 to see all the other players standing around watching the action.

Knoxville Vacation

They say there are two topics that you should never bring up if you want to avoid contention: religion and politics. Since I have a pretty homogenous fan base, religiously speaking, I think I will take a stab at politics just to see how it goes. For those of you who live in a cave, there is a presidential election coming up between a black man who has no experience doing anything and caters to terrorists and an old white man who may keel over at any moment and leave us with a female president who believes that waving at other countries qualifies as foreign policy experience. I am an interested observer of the race, although I remain undecided. I have watched the debates with Jarom and have decided that I like Mr. Obama. I have been very impressed with the way that he has handled himself, and equally disappointed with the way that Mr. McCain has run his campaign. Unfortunately, I disagree with a number of Obama’s positions, which leaves me torn. Do I vote for a guy that I don’t respect and don’t like who shares my views on taxes and abortion, or do I vote for a guy that I like and respect who leans in a different direction on those issues? In the end it doesn’t matter, since animals still lack the constitutional right to vote that so many of you people take for granted.



On a less controversial tangent, Alixa’s parents came to visit this weekend. They arrived at 3 am Friday morning; just about the time Jarom finished watching the new Indiana Jones movie (two thumbs down). A few hours later, Jarom and Mario got up to go play a round of golf while the girls went to have tea. Friday afternoon was spent in Gatlinburg, a picturesque little town in the Smoky Mountains that is a popular tourist destination this time of year, what with the leaves changing colors and all. Sadly, this meant that there was some serious traffic that had to be dealt with. But it was pretty, and they enjoyed themselves. They even went to see an entertaining magic show while they were there.

A good example of Gatlinburg's quaintness

Saturday morning Alixa joined the boys for nine holes of golf, and then they played some tennis. In an attempt to gain an advantage, Lixi and Jarom scheduled some windy conditions so as to confuse their opponents, who are used to playing indoors. Alas, it did not work and they lost to the old folks. Then they went down to UT’s campus to see the pregame festivities and marvel at the tailgate setups (satellite TV, full size grills, copious quantities of food and beverage, both alcoholic and non…) They thought about attending the game, but the temperatures were scheduled to drop into the 40’s so they decided not to. UT did manage to finally win convincingly, dropping Miss. State 34-3.

The highlight of the day came when PJ and Mars decided to get Alixa an early Christmas present: A new set of golf clubs! She has been going with Jarom and getting pretty good, and she thought that a set of pink golf clubs would be just the thing to complete her game. She is excited to test them out this week and very grateful to her wonderful parents.

Even Malibu Golf Barbie would be jealous of Alixa now

Sadly, the Hegewalds had to return to Cleveland, and there just wasn’t enough time to do all the things they wanted to. Maybe they will come back in the spring. They are more than welcome to stay in my room anytime they would like, as PJ made a donation to my half-log fund. So I should be getting a new home soon. Now the Winns have three days to prepare for their next guest who will be arriving on Wednesday. This place is turning into quite the hotel.

Yougoogling

verb
1. The art of speaking at a funeral
2. Seeing how famous you are on the internet




In my spare time this week I learned what  my status was on Google. Type in Mitch Winn and the number one image that comes up is yours truly giving a “hi-yah” to a mouser. I then did Alixa – who is only on the Internet because of me as a Winn, but does have a few things on there from her past life as Alix Hegewald. Jarom has a boatload of stuff, from lacrosse box scores and articles throughout his career to high school band stuff (for those who did not know, he used to be a huge loser.) I tried unsuccessfully to find some records of Alix’s Georgia State swim title, to no avail. However, I was able to find some other swim records online. Skyline Swim Club, where Jarom and his siblings swam every summer has their records posted. Sadly, Jarom was never good or lucky enough to get one. Jason and Nathan are both still on the list, thanks to the three other people on their relay teams. And in case anyone cares, M. Iffland is definitely the best female swimmer to ever come out of that place, as she owns about half the records on the board.

Jarom also learned something this week. The front porch of our apartment is part of some sort of slug migration route. We know this because every night you can go outside and see between one and four of them crossing our welcome mat. We think that they may enjoy the feel of the surface on their slimy underbellies, because they tend to hang out for awhile, and in the morning you can see their figure eight trails left behind in slime. Jarom had heard that salt and slugs don’t mix, but had never seen this phenomenon first hand, so he gave it a shot, and sure enough, they shrivel up like an old man. We haven’t seen any slugs the past few days, so we are wondering if the rest of them have heard about the incident and are staying away to protect themselves.




The Winn family would like to recommend a book to anyone who might be interested: The Blind Side. It tells the story of Michael Oher, a kid from Memphis who grew up on the streets, got adopted by some rich white folk who don’t like Mormons and is currently the left tackle for Ole Miss and will be playing in the NFL next year. Alixa wants nothing more than to meet him because she thinks the story is so cool. A very heartwarming story that also talks a lot about football, so boys and girls should enjoy it.

Snug as a bug...

Autumn brings cool weather and football. This is a conflict for me, as an avid sports fan and cold-blooded animal. Thankfully Jarom and Lixi have plenty of blankets around the house and are more than happy to let me use them while I watch the games. Speaking of games, Tennessee’s football team seems to be continuously lowering expectations and then failing to meet them. They just faced the not-so-mighty Northern Illinois Huskies and were barely able to eke out a 13-9 win. This week they get to travel to Athens to face an upset UGA team looking to rebound after their first loss. I don’t think it will be pretty.

Watching Reggie Bush return punts for TDs on MNF.

He can do much better than skanky Kardashian.

In around-the-house news, the Winn’s had a water heater flood their apartment for the second time in 3 years. Some of you may recall an incident that occurred a few apartments ago, before I had arrived on the scene. Some faulty wiring caused the heater to continually heat the water until the pressure was so high that the tank safety valve released the water into their kitchen. This time the water heater tank simply cracked, with similar results. Fortunately Jarom was home when it happened and was able to call maintenance and get it taken care of rather quickly. It appears that there will be no damage to any of their things and no serious repairs to be made. I am just grateful that this place has two floors and that I am on the second, where floods are simply not an issue.

The LDS General Conference took place this past weekend, which we all enjoyed. It is nice to listen to all those old men tell their stories. My favorite moment came in a talk given by Elaine Dalton, the Young Women’s president. She told about how her new presidency climbed up to Ensign peak to have their first meeting. In an act that seems supremely young womanish, they tied a yellow flag to a stick and waved it over the Salt Lake Valley. The thought of three older women waving a flag up on that hill just makes me snicker.

Jason showed Jarom this picture.  It made him smile.

The Winn’s will be hosting their first visitors next weekend (Nate and Kenz did spend the night here the first day we moved in, but it doesn’t count as hosting a visitor if they had to unpack their own bed.) Mars and Pidge Hegewald will be coming to see their daughter and take in a UT football game. They (the Winns) are looking forward to a fun weekend.

Lipstick on a Pig

You can put a melon on a cat's head, but it is still a cat.

However, it now looks much funnier.

We are now officially in autumn, although the starting day should really be moved to the opening weekend of football, either college or pro. But some leaves are beginning to change here in Knoxville, and Jarom has been forced to wear pants when he gets on his motorcycle to attend his 8 am classes. The Winns actually quite enjoy the cool weather, especially after they got their power bill last month and realized that Knoxville apparently creates electricity by burning money to turn their generators.

October also brings playoff baseball, which is the only kind that should ever be watched on TV. It is acceptable to attend a baseball game in person during the summer, but that is more for the fun environment than the actual game. I don’t wish to bore you with all of my picks for annual awards, but I do want to congratulate CC Sabathia, as he is my choice for National League MVP. Despite only a half season with the Brewers, he was nearly unhittable and gave his team the psychological boost they needed to squeak into the playoffs. Unfortunately he now faces the Phillies, so I must root against him. I will also be rooting against the Cubs and the Red Sox, as I believe those teams should remain and go back to being cursed, respectively.

Aside from the fact that my 401(k) is soaring like a lead balloon, the big news the past few weeks is that the presidential and vice-presidential debates have started. As no party has made the slightest mention of any of my concerns, I label myself an independent. As such, I enjoy the debates, but the format is a tad frustrating. My solution is to format the debates like Around The Horn, a show on ESPN. The host asks questions and the candidates answer, but the host has a mute button that shuts off a candidates mic if he rambles for too long or rudely interrupts while his opponent is talking. I just get annoyed listening to multiple people with monster egos trying to get in the last word. I must say that of the four candidates I enjoy listening to Sarah Palin the most, with all her “gosh darns” and hockey references in her silly Minnesotan accent, don'cha know.

A half-log without any bells or whistles

Finally, I have a plight that I must alert you all of. It seems as though I am outgrowing my half-log, a hollowed out piece of tree that serves as my home and sanctuary. I have made requests that a new, larger half-log be purchased, perhaps one with Wi-Fi and satellite TV, so that I might be able to enjoy a less cramped lifestyle. Jarom claims that he is a poor college student and that Lixi “barely makes enough to feed my golfing addiction.”  So, if any of my faithful readers feel inclined to make a donation to my cause, I will happily accept.  I thank you in advance for your kindness and generosity.