Lipstick on a Pig

You can put a melon on a cat's head, but it is still a cat.

However, it now looks much funnier.

We are now officially in autumn, although the starting day should really be moved to the opening weekend of football, either college or pro. But some leaves are beginning to change here in Knoxville, and Jarom has been forced to wear pants when he gets on his motorcycle to attend his 8 am classes. The Winns actually quite enjoy the cool weather, especially after they got their power bill last month and realized that Knoxville apparently creates electricity by burning money to turn their generators.

October also brings playoff baseball, which is the only kind that should ever be watched on TV. It is acceptable to attend a baseball game in person during the summer, but that is more for the fun environment than the actual game. I don’t wish to bore you with all of my picks for annual awards, but I do want to congratulate CC Sabathia, as he is my choice for National League MVP. Despite only a half season with the Brewers, he was nearly unhittable and gave his team the psychological boost they needed to squeak into the playoffs. Unfortunately he now faces the Phillies, so I must root against him. I will also be rooting against the Cubs and the Red Sox, as I believe those teams should remain and go back to being cursed, respectively.

Aside from the fact that my 401(k) is soaring like a lead balloon, the big news the past few weeks is that the presidential and vice-presidential debates have started. As no party has made the slightest mention of any of my concerns, I label myself an independent. As such, I enjoy the debates, but the format is a tad frustrating. My solution is to format the debates like Around The Horn, a show on ESPN. The host asks questions and the candidates answer, but the host has a mute button that shuts off a candidates mic if he rambles for too long or rudely interrupts while his opponent is talking. I just get annoyed listening to multiple people with monster egos trying to get in the last word. I must say that of the four candidates I enjoy listening to Sarah Palin the most, with all her “gosh darns” and hockey references in her silly Minnesotan accent, don'cha know.

A half-log without any bells or whistles

Finally, I have a plight that I must alert you all of. It seems as though I am outgrowing my half-log, a hollowed out piece of tree that serves as my home and sanctuary. I have made requests that a new, larger half-log be purchased, perhaps one with Wi-Fi and satellite TV, so that I might be able to enjoy a less cramped lifestyle. Jarom claims that he is a poor college student and that Lixi “barely makes enough to feed my golfing addiction.”  So, if any of my faithful readers feel inclined to make a donation to my cause, I will happily accept.  I thank you in advance for your kindness and generosity.